I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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