I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
