I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
