Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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