i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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