I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
