What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
