Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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