You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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