Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview

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(518): View more from New York

He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"

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(812): View more from Indiana

Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?

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(251): View more from Alabama

He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.

(1-251): View more from Alabama

Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.

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(319): View more from Iowa

You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.

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(208): View more from Idaho

My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with

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(815): View more from Illinois

It's rum buckets o'clock

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two

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