Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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