Will you blow on my dice?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
