My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
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i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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