Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
