he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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