I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
