i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
