I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
