They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
