dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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