Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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