ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
