Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
