idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
