what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
