i already hear my dad disowning me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
