sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sarcasm needs its own font
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
