This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
