i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
