She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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