I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
