I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
