Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
