I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
