That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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