sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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