yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
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I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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