So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
