Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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