new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
