READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
