I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
