He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
