Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
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I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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