yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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