I hate all girls vehemently.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My life is pants optional.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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