i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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