But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
