I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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