My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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