I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You took a bar mat shot.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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