I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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