i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
