I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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