Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
