So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
