Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
