did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
