Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
