Swine flu. Run for my life!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
