This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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