New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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