Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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