he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
