I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She bit a glass in half.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
FUCK WHALES
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
