Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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