By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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