ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
