I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
