I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
