Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
