Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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